"If I had my child to raise all over again, I’d build self-esteem first, and the house later. I’d finger-paint more, and point the finger less. I would do less correcting and more connecting. I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes. I’d take more hikes and fly more kites. I’d stop playing serious, and seriously play. I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars. I’d do more hugging and less tugging."- Diane Loomans
When my children grow up I want them to talk about how I always made time for them, played games with them, let them bake cookies, colored and read books to them, jumped on the trampoline with them, etc... I am realistic and know that I will always have something I need to do. This is a hard one for me. I am OCD and have a constant to-do list in my head. I am working hard to turn this off when at home and just enjoy the moment. I am guilty of sending the kids to their play-room while I clean the kitchen or fold laundry. Yes, I could clean the kitchen when they go to bed but then it cuts into my "grown-up time". So do my kids win or am I selfish because I want my " grown-up time" longer?? I think the main thing I have learned is that parents need a balance. We should spend time everyday, even if it is only a few minutes of good non-distracted quality time. I don't think parents have to spend every waking moment with their kids. Children need to learn to entertain themselves. They need to learn to take care of themselves. Children need to learn independence. And parents equally need some "adult time". Everyone needs a balance. However, I do think there is a fine line between spending time with your kids and spending non-distracted quality time with your kids.
I know too many parents who consider being in the same room as their kids spending time with them. I know some who think sitting on the couch to watch tv everyday is spending time with them. Yes to an extent is it, but to me a "special movie night" or going to the movies is spending time. If this is an everyday occurrence, then no I don't think it counts. Most of the time the parent ends up playing on their phone or a computer while the kid watches tv. I know some who consider going out to eat spending time with their kids. Once again it could be but.... Are you engaging your kids in conversation about their day? Or are you constantly getting on to them and making them be quiet?
Kids need to feel loved. They need affirming words. They want to feel needed. I ask my 4 year old to help me do things I could easily do by myself. He loves it. He has a look of pure delight when he finishes the task mommy needs help with. It makes me feel good to see him so happy. I try my best to set aside mommy and me dates. I try to spend special one on one time with each of my children. I would much rather go grocery shopping by myself but occasionally I take Grant. We walk down aisles and look at the toys. We take our time and I let him pick out a few snacks. Simple things make kids happy!!
Too many parents think they can buy love. " It's okay if I don't spend time with them, I will just buy them a new ipod" This breaks my heart. Of course, kids would love the new ipod or video game, but they would love your TIME more.
" Adults spell love L-O-V-E, kids spell love T-I-M-E"
"To be in your children’s memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today”
I also get very frustrated at the pretend parents. Lets post pictures on FB and pretend we are happy. Let's post pictures and pretend we spend time together. Young children may not understand just yet but soon the day will come when they wonder why they have to pretend. Don't be that parent who has to pretend. Be the parent who spends time and is truly HAPPY!!
I am not perfect. I have flaws and I sin. I make mistakes. And sometimes I repeat the same mistakes. I get frustrated. And sometimes I want to give up. However, I am working on these things. I am praying about them. I am trying to change. I am also trying to be the best parent I can. I know all kids are different and all parenting styles are different. But it just absolutely breaks my heart to see what kids go through these days. People are mean! One day soon our children will have to deal with bullying and self-esteem issues. I want to be the parent who has built my child so far up, other kids can't tear them down. I want my kids to feel like they can come to me with anything they want to talk about or have issues with. I just want to be in their lives in a big way.... Not just my presence but with my heart and soul.
"Life affords no greater responsibility, no greater privilege, than the raising of the next generation.” - C. Everett Koop
No comments:
Post a Comment